Fear of Failure Never Disappears — Even for Sonia Sotomayor

When I was a kid I remember constantly thinking "I can't wait to be an adult so I can stop being so scared of everything". I thought becoming an adult would magically allow me to move through life with more courage. HA!

Fear is a topic that comes up with almost every client I advise and coach. One client recognized that she is scared of success and said "I am not scared because I don't think I can't do it, I am scared that I will do it and I will do it well."

Another client's fear of negative criticism and comments has kept her from creating and publishing a podcast she's been sitting on for four years. Would it be too weird to share what she really thinks? What if she's the only one that feels that way? Would this alienate her from her community?

My most recent client is too scared to find out that she absolutely hates the career she has spent so much time and money building. Is it just burnout? Would a vacation help?

Thinking about fear as the common thread amongst so many women reminded me of that one cloudy day in The Bronx when I interviewed Justice Sonia Sotomayor and asked her what she was afraid of, if anything.

What Sonia Sotomayor Said When I Asked Her What She Was Afraid Of

Here's how it went:

Amanda Saviñón: In your young readers' edition of My Beloved World, you mentioned that you used to be afraid of dying young. It's been 58 years since you were diagnosed with diabetes, and you're still here, alive and with a deep interest in helping people and changing the world. What are you afraid of today?

Sonia Sotomayor: Oh, everything and everything. [laughs]

I'm still insecure. Every time I take on a new big project in the court, I worry: am I going to be good enough, smart enough, thoughtful enough, creative enough to think of an answer that will move people to change their minds? Hopefully so. If not, I hope to lead people in the future to think about an issue in a different way.

I still feel insecure enough to know I don't know it all. Insecure enough to hope that I live and continue to live a meaningful life.

But I'm still afraid of failing. I still want to work very hard to try to avoid the failure, even though I know the pain is not so great. But you can get over a failure. I think failure drives us to do things better, to make an impact that's important.

Fear doesn't disappear when you finally achieve the thing. It doesn't vanish when you close the deal, sign the client, get the job, or become the version of yourself you worked so hard to become. And it definitely doesn't disappear when you become an adult, like I so deeply believed when I was younger.

If a woman who has made history, who has a legacy and tenure like Justice Sotomayor is still afraid of failure, still scared of not being good enough or smart enough, what does that mean for the rest of us regular degular folk?

When I decided to put in my notice and leave the corporate world after 15 years, I was on the phone with my boss, voice shaking, armpits dripping. I wanted out so I could reconnect with my purpose and my creativity, which I'd felt distant from for a long time.

Calling my boss that morning wasn't scary because I was unsure if this was the right move. It was scary because I've never been so sure of something in my life. I could feel just how much taking this leap mattered to me. How much it would change me, how much more of myself it would make me.

Fear didn't stop me from doing it. Fear pushed me to do it.

My boss at the time, who knew me well, said: "This makes a lot of sense, Amanda. I'm very excited for you and have no doubt you'll succeed in whatever you do."

That call was the beginning of the coaching practice I run now, where I work with women who are trying to do the things they say they want to do.

All of this to say: we can use fear and failure to our advantage. Sotomayor makes fear work for her. She uses hers to work harder. The fear keeps her creative. The insecurity keeps her humble. Her fear of failing has become a reason to prepare, to care, to make the impact matter.

Starting something new will always come with a little fear and insecurity sprinkled in. The work isn't to eliminate fear forever. The work is to use fear to your advantage. Fear can be a motivator, but it can also paralyze you if you let it take over.

Learn how to keep moving despite fear. Trust yourself anyway. Normalize how human it is to be afraid of failing.